If you want to connect with someone beyond the surface level, find something they’re struggling with and share in their pain.
Authors Chip and Dan Heath describe how this works:
One study found that when strangers were asked to perform a painful task together—in one case, submerging their hands in tubs of ice water to perform a sorting task—they felt a greater sense of bonding than did strangers who had performed the same task in room temperature water.
This bonding happened even though the task was pointless.
