Why Prospects Stop Talking During the Recruiting Process

by | Feb 24, 2025

We frequently discuss the importance of asking thoughtful, open-ended questions during your interactions with prospects.

Even if you’re committed to this best practice, you may still find that questions/answers don’t always flow freely during the recruiting process.

Why? One reason is the “social costs” associated with answering questions.

Researchers at the University of Minnesota studied this topic and discovered what holds back individuals during these exchanges.

Here are the top four in descending order of importance:

Indebtedness: It makes me feel that I need to reciprocate to the one providing answers to my questions.

Incompetence: It makes me feel inadequate or incompetent.

Effort: I feel it is not worth the time and effort to engage in this dialog (no payoff).

Control: I feel that it will influence my own opinions in a way I don’t want.

As you reflect upon your interactions during the recruiting process, it’s helpful to recognize these issues are at play under the surface—especially during interactions with experienced agents.

If a person suddenly clams up during a conversation, it’s a good indication they’re feeling one or more of these inhibitions.

At this juncture, ask yourself:

Am I making this person feel ________________ with my questions?  (e.g., Am I making this person feel incompetent with my questions?)

A good conversationalist will sense inhibitions and pursue a different angle when they experience resistance.

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P.S. After presenting our live Recruiting Masterclass at the Inman conference a few weeks ago, we promised to do a follow-on virtual session for those who were not able to attend.  Register now, if you’d like to attend.

 

The Simple Psychology of Real Estate Recruiting [2nd Edition]

Unlock the secrets of effective real estate recruiting. Revised to include actionable frameworks for sharper execution and to help you turn psychological theory into a repeatable recruiting system.

Creating Pacts to Avoid Distraction

Creating Pacts to Avoid Distraction

Notice the two parts to Nir’s formula: a pre-commitment and an external force to keep you accountable to that commitment. For recruiting setting goals and time-blocks in your schedule is not enough. Most people need some kind of external accountability, as well.

Look for Individuals Who Want to be Measured

Look for Individuals Who Want to be Measured

It’s not that people with a growth mindset don’t experience failure—they just see failure as an opportunity to learn new things, to be challenged, and to experience curiosity. This is an important topic to cover during interviews and follow-up conversations with your prospects. If you find someone who likes being measured, you’ve likely found someone who will push through the inherent failures of growing a real estate business and experience long-term success.