The Secret Sauce for Building Rapport

by | Jul 26, 2023

If you want to be a great conversationalist, it’s more important to be interested than it is to be interesting.According to psychologist Todd Kashdan, curiosity is what keeps a dialog with a new contact going, and it’s the secret sauce that causes relationships to flourish in their early stages.Curious people have better relationships, connect better, and enjoy socializing more. Other people are more easily attracted and feel socially closer to individuals that display curiosity.But this is not the only advantage–being curious also helps lessen the negative feelings of rejection.Research published by the University of California at Berkeley demonstrated that curious individuals who experience social rejection are less likely to experience reductions in life satisfaction and increases in feelings of depression.Something about staying curious might allow us to recover more quickly from social rejection—an experience that can feel devastating.How do you become more curious?At the core level, it is driven by a sincere interest in the lives of others. People can sense when you really want to know about them and are willing to forgo talking about yourself.At a practical level, curious people ask more questions and listen more intently.As one Harvard study concluded:People who are liked the most, ironically enough, are the ones who often say the least.


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